If Only Tonight
by Psalm 136
Summary: Sex with Jordan was never 'just sex' for Perry. It was always something more. Why? They were in love. Oneshot PerryJordan angsty fluff. T to be safe.


**I just watched the entire first season of Scrubs, and I was hit with this oneshot idea when I was watching Dr. Cox and Jordan after they had had sex.**

**  
Disclaimer: Ah… if only Dr. Cox was mine…**

Perry Cox couldn't deny it; sex with Jordan Sullivan was never just sex.

Jordan Sullivan didn't dare to say otherwise; sex with Perry Cox was never just sex.

How could it? They were in love. When you were in love with someone, sex wasn't sex. Sex was a joining of bodies and hearts and minds. But Lord, they were such fools. In what could be a beautiful aftermath, they traded insults and painful words. Instead of expressing that love, they hid it. They were afraid of each other, of what the other might say if they were honest for one minute.

Perry Cox's apartment was empty for most of the day. It wasn't worth coming back to, simply for the fact it was empty. It was devoid of life. It was devoid of **her**. They were destined to argue and clash. One had to be an idiot not to see that. However, Perry Cox still believed that they were destined for each other.

Jordan Sullivan led a glamorous life without a husband. There was never a lack of dates and sex partners. She had the sexual power to get exactly what she wanted from anyone. She remained jaded and hard; nothing ever hurt anymore. The only thing that could ever hurt her was not lying in **his** arms after they had joined. She refused to be hurt by what he might say if she asked, so she weathered the storm of loneliness. She believed they were destined for each other. She didn't think he thought the same.

She hated her glamorous life if it meant she had to live it without Perry. She had hated her life with Perry as well. They weren't compatible for each other. Jordan knew that they could possibly be a wonderful couple. She wanted that. But they were both so arrogant.

Perry Cox knew he was arrogant. He knew he was a narcissist. He knew he was so self-absorbed it made other people sick. He hated himself for it, but whenever he was with Jordan, whoever he was underneath his arrogance (or even if his arrogance was who he really was), it was okay. They bickered, but in a kinky, odd way, that was their way of saying, "I love you".

Oh, he loved her.

Jordan Sullivan knew she was an evil personality. She knew Perry was the same way. She knew they had serious attraction to each other. Almost every man had serious attraction to her. She reveled in the power she held over men. With Perry, however, she was as much of a slave to him in sex as he was to her. They were equals in every way.

God, she loved him.

Perry Cox walked into the hospital everyday, with a heart full of hatred for himself and the world. He couldn't stand himself, just like he couldn't stand the fact the rest of the world was happier than he was. He was always more condescending when anyone was in a relationship. He tried working out to relieve stress, but the only thing that could ever help was being with Jordan. He was able to lash out at her, and not have her burst out into tears or react emotionally. She knew just what he needed, even if she was honestly snapping at him to hurt him.

Perry found himself, one day, right outside of the ICU, yelling at the newest set of incompetent interns. "… And if you think I won't bust your ass out of here, then you've got another thing coming, Sparky." His eyes were wide as he nodded, trying not to burst out into laughter at the sight of their frightened and confused faces. "I'll see you later, idiots. Get out!" He watched smugly as they scurried out.

"Dr. Cox, your shift's been over for an hour. Go home." Carla urged him as he passed by the nurse's station. She offered him a tired smile. "You look beat."

"Why, thank you Carla, I had no idea that sixty more God-forsaken, agonizing minutes had passed by in the Devil's domain. I will forever be in your debt for that point." Dr. Cox was moments away from launching into another dramatic rant when Carla merely looked at him, bored. "Sorry." He muttered.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Dr. Cox." Carla smiled once more at him, and then gave him a friendly push.

"See ya." He offered her a ghost of a smile, and then spun around. He was tempted to whistle as he stormed down the hallway, intent on spending no time dilly-dallying as he was on his way out.

Perry headed to the locker room, quickly opening up his personal locker. He switched his lab coat for an old sweatshirt and his beeper for his wallet. He heard the cheerful jingle of his Porsche keys, and immediately left the hospital. He refused to answer Newbie as he tried to get his attention. Would the boy ever learn? It didn't matter that he did actually think the kid was competent. He wouldn't have praised him in front of the entire board if he didn't actually mean it. But it was so annoying.

He was lost in his JD-bashing thoughts that he didn't even realize that he was at his apartment complex until it was almost too late to make the turn. He took his usual parking spot and slid the key into the lock. He took a deep breath, trying his best to forget about every little thing that had happened at that messed up hellhole. His usual routine followed. A scotch on the couch, check. Sports, check. An intense sense of loneliness, check.

He absently lit the only two candles he owned. Their light floral scents nearly tickled his nose, and he checked his watch. Five minutes passed until a knock came at his door. A smile graced his face, but he wiped it away when he got up to answer the impatient knock.

"What a surprise, Satan." He greeted her sarcastically.

"Just shut up and take your pants off." Jordan pushed past him to enter his apartment.

"Did Jordan get broken up with? Oh, wait… were you dumped?" Perry crossed his arms over his chest, looking at her with condescension.

"If you don't want sex, by all means, continue." Jordan turned to face him, looking so mad she could spit. That wouldn't be the first time. "Because I'm here for one reason, and one reason only, and I can leave."

"And what would that be, miss devil?" He stood his ground, waiting for an explanation.

"Just get into the bedroom, Perry."

xxxx

Perry relaxed on the couch, his legs propped up on the coffee table and clad only in red boxers. Jordan sat opposite him on a chair, covered entirely in a blanket. Her legs were dangling over the side, and she looked close to sleep. He felt as though his heart would break when he remembered that she wouldn't peacefully fall asleep in his apartment. She would soon get up and leave. Again.

"How was dealing with those minions of yours today?" He asked, bored.

"Fine." She mumbled. "I've gotta get up." She moved to push the heavy comforter off of her body. The comforter didn't want to cooperate with her limbs, weighed down by exhaustion.

"No, you don't." Perry stared down at the carpet that was in desperate need of being vacuumed. "You can stay."

Jordan looked up at him, eyebrows arched and eyes bleary. "What?" She swallowed. Her voice didn't contain any venom or hate. If anything, it contained hope.

"Stay." Perry offered her a tentative smile, walking over to where she lounged. "I don't want you to go, Jordan." He ran a hand over her mussed up hair. She couldn't have looked more sexy, even though she took pride in looking attractive when she was dressed up. He liked her like this, when she looked the most natural. He pressed his lips to her forehead.

"I'll stay, Perry." Jordan smiled up at him, leaning into his affectionate touch.

"This doesn't mean I like you, you know." He suddenly seized up, unable to believe that Jordan was actually staying. She never stayed the night. It was always sex, and then a hurried goodbye. This meant that they had to engage their emotions. Emotions other than anger were frightening to the both of them.

"I know." Jordan smiled, her eyes half-closed as she realized what he was doing. She reached a hand up from under the warm blanket and touched his chin. "Let's go to bed, Perry."

He nodded without a smile. They didn't need any obvious shows of emotion. Neither of them were good at those. Though she didn't need it, he took her hands and helped her up. He watched her face carefully as he slid an arm around her waist, as though it was their first date all over again. She smiled fondly and buried her face in his chest as they entered the bedroom together.

They laid down on the well-used bed, facing each other, Jordan's head propped up by Perry's well-muscled arm. The silence rang throughout the room.

"Perry, I love you." Jordan mumbled uncharacteristically.

"Ah, Jordan, you make my life miserable."

It didn't go unnoticed that he pulled her closer after that statement. Jordan smiled against his warm skin as his lips brushed over her hair. She relaxed in his arms and draped her arm over his torso. She would never admit it aloud, but she thought him incredibly sexy. He wasn't a young stud with a shaved chest and overly obvious muscles. He was perfect. There was something about a man with hair on his chest, and a man who cared about her, that was attractive. She inhaled deeply, unable to pinpoint what he smelled like. Some men smelled like wood, or sandalwood, or even charcoal. He smelled masculine.

"I love you too, Jordan." He said aloud and abruptly.

"I know." She smiled against his neck.

"I'm sorry."

"Now, don't get all sappy on me, Cox." She looked up at his face and she was granted a smile.

Jordan was first to fall asleep, and Perry didn't follow her closely. He wrapped his arms firmly around her naked waist, his heart thudding uncommonly fast. If only tonight, he would pretend she was his, and that she would always be his. Even if it was only for tonight. He could pretend things were going to change, right?

Right.

Tomorrow would be different for them.


End file.
